Sunday, May 30, 2010

Lessons from Olvar Wood - Why do I write?

My fingertips are a conduit for the intangible. This network of live-wires busily weaving thoughts like a city grid. Clarity is rare here. It is more common that a super-charged electrode of passion explodes in front of me and I am compelled to write.

Each letter calls out in it's own way, and a mere word is never just that. Such a finite list of letters with infinite possibility. Words have the power to make me rethink, question, rebel and escape. Two dimensional and inanimate, yet they form a harmonious orchestra.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Suicidal Ballet - Fuck it, I'm not saying anything you have not before....

I am careful not to tip the balance, though I am curious as to the consequence.

Peel back the covers, make sure the bed is safe, for if I do not, would I feel the tight pinch of fangs in my toe?

Maybe...maybe it would not be a mortal wound. Maybe it would awaken me.

Stop trying so hard.

Stop being so lazy.

Wake up, stop lying, practise what you preach silly girl.

I am, I'm not, I think, I observe, I am shamed, I am humbled. I want. I wish. I need. I love...I hate.

I have the power but I also have the pain, and it steers me, it feeds me. Blind is the fool who cannot see truth from lie, but who can blame them if the motivation is pure?

Who will cast judgement when a mirror is seen?

Who will fight? You? Me? Maybe...

Is it easier to scream, or to whisper? To throw a glance over a turned shoulder, and long for courage, but know that it is easier to walk away. All the while, inside we scream.

All the while, we wonder. We wish we knew.

We are the same...and in the end...we feed the earth with the same filth...and the same mystery.

Make this easy. I see the light but I am lost.

Forever loses me in the rituals of similarity. I have walked this path before. I always wanted to take the left turn, but I wondered where it went, and if I turned, would it have been my biggest mistake? Or my greatest test? My fate? My dream come true? Oh, that is my greatest longing, my vice, my little tauntng whisperer..what if? What if?

WHAT FUCKING IF???? What if I didn't? What if they didn't?

You are my enemy. my nemesis, my downfall, my defeat. You are the only one that tears at me.

I am strong without you, but I am nothing without you.

My tears well, I am familiar and I like it here. You think this is bad for me? I LIKE THIS. I like it. I need it. I feel alive here. My heart pulses, my tendons stretch.

Without this I am...well I don't rightly know do I?

...and that is my curse.

 Why a curse? Because I want it as much as I hate it.